?

Log in

Live Shit: Binge and Purge.

Mar. 29th, 2007

09:28 pm

Hmm, wow, its been almost 2 years since I last posted here. This is such a feeling of nostalgia. Well, how things have changed in that time. I feel so different than i did then... anyway, whatever.  wish i had more time to write something of importance, but i got on here too late in the night....and i have to been up for work in the morn

Nov. 21st, 2005

09:44 pm - To everyone who posted in my last update...

Fuck it, im not sad in the least bit after reading all of ur comments. how could I be when people like you care for me? that would be selfish. You guys are awesome, I love every single one of you. and im gonna see what I can do for each and every single one of you to let you know how much i appreciate being ur friend :)

Nov. 20th, 2005

07:56 pm

Not doing so well right now.. Anyone who knows me close knows im never mellowdramatic about my problems, so yeah, i feel horrible right now and its been perpetually getting worse. Depression? I dont know. I really dont think so. I just feel so helpless and lame right now. Lonely? yeah, a little maybe, although I really dont mind being alone. I just need to find some purpose...... I need to talk to someone

Current Mood: fukkin shitty
Current Music: Death Cab For Cutie-Soul Meets Body(fuck emos, good song)

Nov. 13th, 2005

08:09 pm

Wow, I feel so weird right now. I slept late today cause I stayed out late last night, but when I woke up this afternoon I feel like I woke up from something more than sleep. I dont know? I feel stressed out about something that hasnt happend yet. I feel kinda "epic" right now. Lol, im so strange. I think it has something to do with the hereditary scitzophrinia in my family. I sometimes show signs of it and it scares the shit out of me. Anyway, I guess i'll leave it at that. Just felt like I had to update for some reason...

Current Music: Slow The Knife - Doppleganger

Nov. 5th, 2005

01:06 am

So I just got back from seeing Jarhead. Wow, a lot of people were dissapointed cause their wasnt enough "war" in the movie, but I thought it was perfect in every way a movie like that could be. The messages that it delivered really touched me. Though this is coming from a closet war junkie, who is in to heroism and obsessed with the male warrior spirit... The movie gets an A+ from me and is added in to my top 10 favorate movies to reside with the 100's of movies that are in my top 10 list(lol).

So anyway, what a fucking week. Im starting to hate my job.....again. I love what I do, I really do, but the atmosphere I work in is absoluetly horrible. My boss is awesome and we get along great, but he's so unorganized, moody and close-minded. Then there is Star(imagine if you will a 5'2, 50 year old black woman with a power trip). ALL she is, is Monty and I's painter and prepper, I didnt have nothing but love for her till she started imagining herself as some super organizer and leader and then trying to run the buisness under Monty, which as far as leadership and organizations goes she fails misrably. Two words to describe her: condescending and conniving(oh and a manipulater as well). Bitch, I know 150% more than you when it comes to home remodeling. Im one of the most easy going muther fukkers out there. I dont bitch about nothing and I always work with a smile on my face. If I dont like you than there really is something seriously wrong with you. I dont like her at all and its really affecting my job....but im not gonna quit or anything, im just gonna let it built up till it explode and im sure it wont be long till that happens lol..


Yeah, so thats it I guess. I was gonna get trashed tonight, but I chose a movie instead. Sometimes you just gotta chill out, ya know?


Here is me and spidey at Sharper Image, taken this week.. Ima goofy bastard lol
aint it!

Current Mood: cool
Current Music: (HED) P.E. - Wake Up

Oct. 29th, 2005

09:39 pm

I guess its time to update. Its been a while since I have and a lot has happened. First off my car is finally fixed after 2 months, so thats good cause I was tired of relying on everyone else for a ride.... but yeah a lot of new things been going on. I have lots of cool new friends and have met a lot of people this past month. I just felt like climbing out of my shell and meeting new people and its been great. The new people I met are real accepting of me. Its weird cause I have always been the outsider and not accpeted by many "mainstream" people, but these new people I have met treat me like family and I think its great. You know its funny cause they are I guess what you would call Fort Walton Beach's "Underground Punk Movement". Before I always assumed most of them were judgemental pricks, but they really surprized me with their coolness. You know I attach myself to no formal cliche, but if I did I would prolly just be a "metal head" type person, cause the way I dress and whatnot, they saw that, but they also realized I am extreamly open-minded and curious and they liked that. Not that I have any lack of self asteem, but I felt rather "cool" kickin it with these folks. I liked that.............. I have also been talking to a lot of women recently. Not in the sence I am manwhoring or anything like that! I have just been exploring females and checking out whats out there. You know, and to tell you the honest truth im impressesed. I have met some wonderful women and I love that cause its restoring my once almost depleted faith in women.....but me having a relationship, THATS the hard part. After Kathleen I have found it almost impossible for me to get attached to anyone. Maybe this is wrong, but I LOVE being attached to someone. I long for that feeling again cause its just so good for the soul. I guess the closest girl I am to right now would have to be Elizabeth. She just works so much that we never have time to kick it, but we get along really well and we're both just a like. We're both perverts and we're both flaky haha, the latter being the sucky one. Yeah and then there is Candace. Candace was someone I used to be just about madly in love with, but she was only committed to assholes and even married two guys in the span of 2 year and having a child with one of them, all while knowing I liked her a lot. Now that they are all gone here she comes to me now that I have totally moved on from her. I mean, I think shes great and would be wonderful for me, but there is nothing there. Nothing that I can even create. Its sad and even poetic. She likes me now as much as I used to like her and its scary cause i know just what it feels like. I guess its a learning experiance for us all.


Anyway, im out. Its Halloween party night and im not sure what im gonna do. I was supposed to get my costume today but no one had the stuff I needed(to be Buckethead). I think Jamison is busy tonight with Ashley, so I might call up Hamony and kick with her and her friends at Helen Back tonight. BEER!

Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: Through These Eyes - Social Distortion

Oct. 2nd, 2005

03:56 pm

I saw you dancing out the ocean
Running fast along the sand
A spirit born of earth and water
Fire flying from your hands

In the instant that you love someone
In the second that the hammer hits
Reality runs up your spine
And the pieces finally fit

And all I ever needed was the one
Like freedom fields where wild horses run
When stars collide like you and I
No shadows block the sun
You're all I've ever needed
Baby you're the one

There are caravans we follow
Drunken nights in dark hotels
When chances breathe between the silence
Where sex and love no longer gel

For each man in his time is Cain
Until he walks along the beach
And sees his future in the water
A long lost heart within his reach


This was a long time coming, but I never posted it before and I need to get it out of my system. I guess it was late June early July, Jill was down here. Yeah, I got to see her, though I wasnt supposed to tell anyone. Well, the timing was HORRIBLE then. I was all jacked up on cocaine and not giving a fuck about life during that time. Now, as i've matured(yeah, in only a few months) I look back and realize what happend. I remember when she was here we went to the beach. It was nothing serious, purely platonic, but I remember looking at her and telling myself she was the most beautiful thing I have ever layed my eyes on and the most perfect human being ever made. It was so very different from the time I saw her 2 years before. Everyhting was matured and she understood the way I felt for her, but she couldnt give it back cause she just didnt have any feelings for me. This song best explains everything. I will never see her again, but I now have a deep understanding about love and life... I tell everyone im ok and moved on from all this, but its all lies. There isnt a day past that the consequence of that love dont affect me in a profound way.. I dont know how to go on with my life normally. I see no purpose in anything without The One. All I can do now is be bitter and hate woman, though its not what I want to feel..

Sep. 30th, 2005

12:26 am - ALTER BRIDGE!!! holy shit!!!!!!

I just got back from the mutha fukkin Alter Bridge Charity Concert at The Swamp. DAMN. Best show I ever went to in my entire life. I was RIGHT there in front of Mark Tremonti and Myles Kennady. These guys kicked ass live. Myles' voice is awesome and of course Mark's a fuckin guitar shredder. Not to mention Scott Phillips, the drummer, is great. Anyway, so many cool things happend so let me start from the beggining. First, Mark Tremonti was right there in front of me. Im talking I could feel his sweat hit me(gross i know, i wasnt enjoying it or anything lol). So im fuckin right there air guitaring and being insane. Well, after a few songs they asked the crowd what song they wanted the band to cover, cause supposally Miles knows the lyrics to just about every song ever made. Well I start screaming CRAZY TRAIN CRAZY TRAIN CRAZY TRAIN by Ozzy, so fukkin Mark looks at me and goes, "Crazy Train it is!", well he started playing it, but Myles was off timing, so they asked for another song that he knew better. Anyway he ended up doing Rock and Roll by Led Zep, which was fine with me and let me tell you they made an already awesome song sound even better.. Ok, so the show is kick ass and Tremonti does a wonderful guitar solo and whatnot and im having the time of my life. Well, they play their last song and then they start to throw guitar picks, drum sticks, etc, like most bands do when they are done. So im screaming my ass off and I get a hand shake and a guitar pick from Mark Tremonti, kick ass! So you think that was all? No way! I saw my old boss Heath there and he was with some friends who webmaster Alter Bridges website, so we got to go in the back and chill with the band(and a lot of other people). Well, Mark is walking down the ramp and the Boardwalk and was talking to people. Well he finally came over to where Heath and I were and fuckin we started chit chatting about guitar players and shit! We were talking about Zakk Wylde, Michael Angelo Batio, etc. It fucking ruled! The guy is very nice! I didnt have anything for him to autograph, so I gave him a doller bill to sign LOL.. Fuck, I got a signed doller bill and a guitar pick from one of my favorate guitar players. How awesome is that for some like m who is so easy to please. ima take pics of my shit soon lol


Anyway, that was a great experiance. The opening band Socialburn was alright. I have heard a few of there songs on the radio, but they are a pretty boring band IMO. No guitar solos and whatnot. They were cool though.. Well, that was my night. It kicked ass and all I had was 2 beers! \m/

Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
Current Music: im deaf

Sep. 18th, 2005

11:54 pm

this time in my life has been strange. its one of the few times in my life i havnt been in love with anyone. i know it sounds pathetic, but i have always loved someone and wished them to be my significant other, even if they didnt know who i was or whatever. i feel almost a foreboding sense on loniness within me and i do not like it. while i do stress the fact that i am not co-dependent, my soul does long to love someone. thats just who i am, ya know? i love to love. but what do you do when there is no one out there to love?

well im tired and i have to work in the morning. maybe something good will and exciting will happen to me this week... i can only pray for positive change............

02:09 am

Man, there was some serious drama tonight. I aint EVEN gonna get in to it. Anyway, this is cool...



Choose a band/artist and answer the questions below ONLY using titles of their songs. (I got this from Donna)

Artist: Van Halen

1. Are you male or female: Ice Cream Man

2: Describe yourself: Unchained

3. How do SOME people feel about you: Big Trouble

4. How do you feel about yourself: Me Wise Magic

5. Describe your ex boyfriend / girlfriend: Girl Gone Bad

6. Describe current boyfriend / girlfriend: Outta Love Again(im single lol)

7. Describe where you want to be: Top Of The World

8: Describe how you live: Runnin With The Devil

9. Describe how you love: Aint Talkin Bout Love

10. What would you ask for if you had just one wish: Take Me Back

11. Share a few words of Wisdom: Finish What Ya Started

12. Favorite thing: Sunday Afternoon In The Park

13. Describe your day: Eruption

14. Now say goodbye: Put Out The Lights

Current Mood: drunkdrunk
Current Music: Doobie Brothers - Black Water

Navigate: (Previous 10 Entries)